Thursday, June 11, 2009

Greetings everyone. I am Jared's balls. I don't have much to say at this point except I just over heard someone say, "That's the way the ball bounces." I need clarification on this matter because I'm not quite sure what style/race (yes there are different races) of ball this statement is referring to. Or what material they are made of and filled with. Let us go through the options.

Kick Ball: Made with rubber. Filled with air.
These balls are round much like a basketball or soccer ball. They bounce really well
and respond to kicking and dropping. Also very predictable. They will do what ever
you tell them to.

Football: Made with leather. Filled with air.
All though very accurate when you aim it the bounce is very unpredictable. It's an
odd shaped ball. Without warning they can do flips and change directions quite often.
They respond well to long distance throwing and punting but once they touch the
ground they will do what ever hell they want. Kind of fun to watch these balls in

Beach ball: Made with a thin plastic material. Filled with air.
These balls love Vacation. These balls are water resistant. Fun to play catch with a
friend in a pool or on the beach. These balls float slowly through the air when
thrown, kicked or dropped. They are bright and festiv. As fun as they sound they
get bored easily and aren't trying to get anywhere. Even the force of gravity can't
get these balls to participate in the "Bounce." If they could they would just sit there
and let you do all the work.

Baseball: Made with leather. Filled with boring material like cloth or cotton. Who really cares
These balls are boring to watch. Man hasn't really figured out how to make anything
exciting happen with these balls. They don't bounce very well so they end up getting
the shit hit out of them. For some reason when these balls go out of bounds other
people will fight for possession.

Side note:
This Ball and the way humans use it plays into a theory of mine. The majority of humans love what ever they can't have as long as it is mediocre and belongs to someone else. Once it is in their reach they hold onto it and get it signed and frame it and then say that it is worth the big Moneys. How it plays out is like this....Some random human says he/she's got this pretty cool ball (Baseball, Car, make-up, magazine or some other lame product) and it has to stay over here in this area (Baseball field, country club, Fair grounds, State/Country borders, different social sects people...Cool/Lame people...Dumb/Smart. You get the idea) and you can't touch it or participate unless you are invited or produce a "Ball" that they want. This creates supply and demand and you can make ton of money off of these humans. Doesn't really matter what it is. They want it! REAL BAD!

What gives me the authority and the voice to say these things? I myself am a Ball. Let me introduce myself name is Frank. I'm Jared's ball. I'm the introverted one on the far left and the only one that can speak. My brother Jerry is a mute. He's Extroverted and good with others but is kind of a space cadet. It's a good thing he isn't the one with access to the mouth. I'm usually his filter and voice. We love to socialize and hangout and get fresh air but we never like being bounced!

That's all I know.